Best Christmas Present

 What is the best Christmas present ever?

A broken drum-you can't beat it.

Cows & Tornados

 What do you call a cow in a tornado?

A milkshake.

Friendsgiving

 Who should you invite to your Friendsgiving?

Your close group of PALgrims.

The Cobbler

 Why was the cobbler looking for work?

Because his old job just gave him the boot!

French Fry & Hamburger

 How did the French fry propose to the hamburger?

He gave her an onion ring!

Frogs

 What type of music do frogs listen to?

Hoppera!

Plates

 What did one plate say to the other?

Dinner is on me.

Guy's Left Side

 Puns

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.

Knights

 What do you call a knight who hates fighting?

Sir Render.

Michael Phelps

 Why is Michael Phelps never late?

He always arrives in world record time.

Chlorine

 What game does chlorine never lose?

Pool.

Grandma's Sweater

 Have you seen the sweater my grandma made me?

It's pretty knit.

Octopus

 How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten-tickles!

Vegetables

 What vegetables make the best music?

Beets.

Sailors

 Why couldn't the sailors play cards?

Because the captain was standing on the deck.

Tooth Island

 How do you get to Tooth Island?

The Tooth ferry!

Cows

 Why did the cow go to outer space?

To see the Milky Way.

Shapes

 What shape is bad at driving?

A wrecked-angle.