The End of the Ham

 A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking. Her friend asked her, “Why did you cut off the end of the ham”? And she replied ,”I really don’t know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to.”

Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied,”I really don’t know, but that’s the way my mom always did it.”

A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman asked, “Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?”

Her grandmother replied ,”Well dear, otherwise it would never fit into my baking pan.”

Reporting a Flood

 In the worst rainstorm of the century, a kid calls a hotline to report flooding.

“Help me!” the kid exclaims. “I’m standing in two feet of water!”

“Now stay calm,” the person answering the hotline replies. “Two feet of water does not constitute a flood emergency around here.”

“It does around here!” says the kid. “I’m calling from the fourth floor!”

A Terrible Dream

 JAKE: Last night, I had a terrible dream that I ate a giant marshmallow.

DOUG: Why is that so terrible?

JAKE: When I woke up, my pillow was missing.

How Old?

 When a new child visited our Sunday school, the teacher greeted him and asked his age. The little boy held up four fingers.

“Oh, you’re four,” said the teacher. “And when will you be 5?”

The child stared at her and after a few seconds replied, “When I hold up the other finger.”

Time for Pay Raise

 I told my boss that three companies were after me, so I needed a raise in pay to stay with the current job.

He asked which companies?

I told him gas, electric, and cable.