Another Yo Momma Joke

Yo momma is so stupid, when she went to the movie theater & the movie she wanted to see said, "under 17 not allowed," she left & brought back 16 of her friends.

Kids Vs. Lightbulbs

How many kids does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to say, "But I never turn it on!" and two to say, "But I did it last time!"

Another Dumb Blonde Joke

Q: Why did the blonde go outside with her purse open? A: Because she heard there would be a change in the weather.

Hillary Clinton Announces Candidacy

Hillary Clinton has finally announced she will be running for President. Yes, finally. She says this is a great step forward for all women... who happen to be married to a former president.

Two Prostitutes

Two prostitutes are standing on a corner. One says, "Tonight is gonna be a good night. I can smell the dick in the air." The other says, "Sorry, I just burped."

Diseases

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease. The disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior. The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim and pronounced "gonna re-elect him." Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past four years. Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease originated only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas.

Dogs Vs. Cats

A dog thinks, "Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me. They must be Gods!" A cat thinks, "Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me. I must be a God!"

Tequila

Q: Why did Mexicans create tequila? A: So ugly people would have a chance at having sex!

Hickory Dickory Dock

Hickory Dickory Dock. Two mice ran up the clock. The clock struck one and the other got away with minor injuries.

Wedding Traditions

Prior to our wedding, David and I met with the minister to discuss our marriage ceremony and various traditions, such as lighting the unity candle from two individual candles. Couples usually blow out the two candles as a sign of becoming one. Our minister said that many people were now leaving their individual candles lit to signify independence and personal freedom. He asked if we wanted to extinguish our candles or leave them burning. After thinking about it, David replied, "How about if we leave mine lit and blow out hers?"

Babies

Q: If storks bring white babies and crows bring black babies, what bring no babies? A: Swallows.

Controlling Mosquitos

Did you know that the U.S. government is working on a project to control mosquitoes? They are going to put tiny little cow bells on them, so you can hear where they are. So far, all they have is a bunch of humdingers.

Naming the States

The old pastor made it to a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names. He jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states. One lad snickered, "Yes, but in those days there were only 13."